Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
