I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well you can't waste a boner
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
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is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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