Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
