before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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