walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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