There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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