Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
