do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
