I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
