Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
