I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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