Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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