What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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