He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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