She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
