After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
