hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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