You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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