I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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