no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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