literally had 100 drinks last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
