I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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