Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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