just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
