we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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