I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
