Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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