I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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