you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
