seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
