"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
