I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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