just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
