Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
