You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
