I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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