there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
