you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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