I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
