I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
