life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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