I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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