Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
