Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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