I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
