she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize