WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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