Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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