did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight