Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.