listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican