Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just tell him i said nine months
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."