i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FUCK WHALES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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