We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.