Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
