My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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