apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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