Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
