textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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