So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you had me at cake vodka
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
