Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
