dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
