you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize