he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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